Crucial Accountability
Crucial Accountability
When we approach an accountability discussion, it’s important to know that we must work on ourselves first. We can’t go in determined to “fix everyone else” and expect to get the results we’re really after. We can only actually ever change ourselves.
1. Before an accountability discussion
Choose What and If
"One of my problems is that I internalize everything. I can't express anger; I grow a tumor instead."
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
What: Ask yourself what you really want.
Remember the CPR model:
- The first time an infraction occurs, talk about the content (what just happened).
- The next time the infraction occurs, talk about the pattern (what’s been happening over time).
- As a problem continues, talk about relationship and how the string of disappointments causes you to lose trust, doubt of competency and promises, which is affecting the way you treat one another.
Frequent and continued violations affect the other person’s predictability and eventually harm respect and trust. To stay focused, ask yourself what you really want.
Also, consider other possible issues by exploring “what came after the behavior (consequences) as well as what came before (intent).
Once you know which issue to discuss, aim to distill it into a single sentence.
If: Are you talking yourself out of an accountability discussion?
Don’t let fear substitute for reason. Think carefully not just about the risks of having the conversation but also about the risks of not having it. To determine if you’re staying silent for the wrong reasons, ask yourself:
- Am I acting out my concerns?
- Is my conscience nagging me?
- Am I choosing the certainty of silence over the risk of speaking up?
- Am I telling myself that I’m helpless?
Master Your Stories
Instead of assuming the worst and then acting in ways that confirm your story, stop and tell the rest of the story.
Ask
- “Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person not do what they promised?”
Only when you see the other person as a human being rather than a villain, you’re ready to begin.
Also, ask yourself which role you are playing in the problem.
Fundamental Attribution Error
Most of the time human beings employ what is known as a dispositional rather than a situational view of others. We argue that people act the way they do because of uncontrollable personality factors (their disposition) as opposed to doing what they do because of forces in their environment (the situation). We make this attribution error because when we look at others, we see their actions far more readily than we see the forces behind them.
Six Sources of Influence
Explore the six sources of influence model, which is used to describe the potential root causes of all behavior.
At the top of this model are two components of behavior selection. In order to take the required action, the person must be willing and able. Each of these components is affected by three sources of influence: self, others, and things.
| Motivation | Ability | |
|---|---|---|
| Personal | Want To “Do they want to?” If this is the only influence we consider, our view is limited. |
Can Do “Can others do what’s required?” “Does the requisite task play to their strength or weakness?” |
| Social | Peer Pressure “Do others praise and support the desired behavior, or do they provide pressure against it?” Peer pressure is the mother of all stupidity. |
Help from others “Are people around them a help or a hindrance?” |
| Structural | Carrots & Sticks “Is the reward system aligned? If people do what’s required, will they receive a reward or punishment?” |
Structures, Environments & Tools “Do the things around them provide a bridge or a barrier?” |
2. During an accountability discussion
Describe the Gap
Make it safe by starting with the facts and describing the gap between what was expected and what was observed. Tentatively share your story only after you’ve shared your facts.
Contrasting
Contrasting is the killer of the fundamental attribution error and helps restore safety. Here’s how it works: First, imagine what others might erroneously conclude. Second, immediately explain that this is what you don’t mean. Third, as a Contrasting point, explain what you do mean.
On Safety
Generally, people feel unsafe when they believe one of two things:
- You don’t respect them as human beings (you lack mutual respect).
- You don’t care about their goals (you lack mutual purpose).
Make sure your language is free of absolutes. Trade “You said” for “I thought we agreed.” and swap “It’s clear” for “I was wondering if.”
If the other person becomes defensive, step out of the content and rebuild safety using Contrasting.
End with a question
End with a simple, diagnostic question: “What happened?” and make this an honest inquiry, not a veiled threat or an accusation such as “What’s wrong with you?”
Make It Motivating and Easy
After you’ve paused to diagnose, listen for motivation and ability. Remember, you rarely need power. In fact, power puts you at risk. Instead, make it motivating and make it easy.
Natural consequences often serve as a potential source of motivation.
As you start your own consequence search, your job is to find a a way to make the invisible visible while maintaining healthy dialogue. To do so, you can:
- Link to existing values
- Connect short-term benefits with long-term pain
- Place the focus on long-term benefits; if a person can suffer a little now - delaying gratification in order to serve a longer-term goal - life gets better (think dieting, weight training, studying, etc.)
- Introduce the hidden victims: describe the unintended and often invisible effects an action is having on others.
- Hold up a mirror: describe how a person’s action is being viewed by others.
- Connect to existing rewards; help others see how living up to an expectation advances their careers, enhances their influence, puts more money in the bank, or reduces their risks.
- Don’t turn consequences into threats: If your motives are wrong, sharing becomes threatening.
Finally, stop as soon as you reach compliance.
Stay Focused and Flexible
"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times."
As other issues come up, don’t meander; consciously choose whether to change the conversation to the new issue. Weigh the new infraction. If it’s more serious or time sensitive, deal with it. If it’s not, don’t get sidetracked.
At the heart of every workable accountability system, there is one simple sentence:
- “If something comes up, let me know as soon as you can.”
AMPP
Use AMPP to power up your listening skills:
- Ask to get the conversation rolling.
- Mirror to encourage. Hold up a mirror to people; that is describing the inconsistency between what they say and how they say it.
- Paraphrase for understanding. Paraphrase; that is, put in your own words what you think they stated. Don’t parrot. Restating exactly what they said can be annoying and sounds phony. It serves two functions: First, it shows that you are listening and that you care. Second, it helps you see what you do and don’t understand.
- Prime to make it safe. Priming means adding words to the conversation (much like putting water in a pump to get it flowing), hoping the other person will do the same thing. You’re trying to make it safe for them to share their thoughts.
Agree on a Plan and Follow Up
"Never grow a wishbone ... where your backbone ought to be."
"There are no exceptions to the rule that everybody likes to be an exception to the rule."
Remember WWWF: who does what by when and then follow up. This idea is simple and serves as its own reminder. Then ask to make sure you’re not leaving out any details or missing any possible barriers.
3. After an accountability discussion
When making an assignment, describe the type of follow-up you think is appropriate.
Be candid about your reasoning and explain why; then sincerely ask if the other person agrees with this method.
There are two forms of follow-up:
- Check-up: You are in charge of the follow-up. This should be used when you are uncertain of the outcome.
- Check-back: They are in charge. This should be used when it’s a routine task that has been assigned to someone who is experienced and reliable.